I have made the decision and it is a leap of faith because as of this moment I have no place to live and no job here, though I have some leads and ideas for both. I feel as if I am in mid-air and I do hope the message I keep getting from the Universe: leap and I will catch you - is for real.
I have spent the day writing a template for the letters I will be sending out tomorrow to various universities and colleges in NYC and environs with my CV in search of work. Earlier, I was talking to a guy at a cafe about the kind of work I do, and he was excited about it and said I should start teaching the tools and techniques I've developed in labs as a class, and I realized, you know what, he's right. It's time to stop giving it away for free. It's time to start developing not only paid workshops but classes and begin teaching this stuff for real. So, I will develop that as well. I've also been told about the arts in education programs and that I should propose stuff for that, so I may indulge my love of teaching teenagers again in this way...And it is this kind of thing that keeps happening. These conversations that open up possibilities and then another one and another one. It's amazing.
This is definitely my city, I feel at home and inspired here. Everyone seems friendly, and I keep having amazing conversations with both old friends, new friends and complete strangers in cafes, elevators, airplanes, buses, wherever. What more could I possibly want (aside from a lot of money so I don't have to worry about money anymore - that'd be nice...even just enough money - doesn't have to be millions - just enough to get by....)? But really, this is amazing, and I am on a new adventure.
My friend Julie said to me today: you sound excited, and I said yes I feel excited and this is the first time in a long time, and she said, yes it has been a very, very long time. It's been years, folks, as she could attest - she who has been through every twist and turn of a lot of grieving over some very real losses over the past few years. It's been Years since I've felt this excited about anything.
I feel many years younger, healthier and just all round kind of great. I know there is still sadness to come and I know I will miss my dear, dear friends in London (and you all are Amazing) but I also have faith they will visit me in NYC (won't you??) and I know I will be in London again, too. I'll be there in the middle of the month in fact for a conference and to pack up my stuff.
I will also miss my husband, but we are separated anyway and he travels half the year, so it's best - we both agree - that I be somewhere I am happy. It's time for this and we both know that.
So, there you have it folks, I'm a New Yorker again....probably as of October. Wow. Wow. What a gift. I'm back, I'm home, I'm fucking delighted!
And as a way to close this post, a photo taken on the subway tunnel coming out of the F train:
|NYC: subway map as accidental psychogeography|