Today my stepfather's symptoms got worse and so I am staying up in Maine. He has Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. Hint: if you can avoid this happening in your life, it will be better for you.
There is not much to say other than it's not looking good right now. There are miracles, all kinds of things could happen, but when the doctor says things like: initially when he came in, I thought the glass was half full, about now I think it's half empty, then you know things are not going well.
I am very sad because of all this and wish there was a lot more I could do. In lieu of that I clean things and forget other things. I sit outside and look at the stars, listen to the bullfrogs and have moments of peace in the aptly named Healing Garden in the back of the hospital. I was seeing the big yellow butterflies, the bees pollinating the purple flowers, hearing the many birds and looking at the small woodland and feeling: it's all OK. Not in a denial way but in an immanent kind of way...
I am being there as much as I can for my mother and others and also taking care of myself, because if I don't do that the whole thing falls apart. Everyone involved keeps reminding each other to do so. Some days are better than others for all of us. That's to be expected.
My mother and I brought Tom his Ganesh carved out of stone for him in Nepal and photos of him when he was healthy and with family. This is lovely and helps the staff remember he's a person. I thank my friend Katie for this suggestion...among many she has made.
I want to thank all my friends for sending prayers and notes of love and support, and Team Ugo for taking care of my cat. And of course Julie for being Julie...if I write more than that, I'll just start crying.
Please send prayers to Tom at Midcoast Medical Center if you would for whatever journey he is on, that it may be peaceful and full of love. If there is a heaven and there's no place for Tom, then it's empty. Seriously. I wish everyone reading this could meet him and if you already have, you know what I'm saying.
Be well and much love.
Welcome to my blog..
"We struggle with dream figures and our blows fall on living faces." Maurice Merleau-Ponty
I am now transitioning into being married again with a new surname (Barclay-Morton). John is transitioning from Canada to NYC and as of June 2014 has a green card. So transition continues, but now from sad to happy, from loss to love...from a sense of alienation to a sense of being at home in the world.
As of September 2013 I started teaching writing as an adjunct professor at Fordham University, which I have discovered I love with an almost irrational passion. While was blessed for the opportunity, after four years of being an adjunct, the lack of pay combined with heavy work load stopped working, so have transferred this teaching passion to private workshops in NYC and working with writers one on one, which I adore. I will die a happy person if I never have to grade an assignment ever again. As of 2018, I also started leading writing retreats to my beloved Orkney Islands. If you ever want two weeks that will restore your soul and give you time and space to write, get in touch. I am leading two retreats this year in July and September.
I worked full time on the book thanks to a successful crowd-funding campaign in May 2014 and completed it at two residencies at Vermont Studio Center and Wisdom House in summer 2015. I have done some revisions and am shopping it around to agents and publishers now, along with a new book recently completed.
I now work full-time as a freelance writer, writing workshop leader, coach, editor and writing retreat leader. Contact me if you are interested in any of these services.
Not sure when transition ends, if it ever does. As the saying goes, the only difference between a sad ending and a happy ending is where you stop rolling the film.
For professional information, publications, etc., go to my linked in profile and website for Barclay Morton Editorial & Design. My Twitter account is @wilhelminapitfa. You can find me on Facebook under my full name Julia Lee Barclay-Morton. More about my grandmothers' book: The Amazing True Imaginary Autobiography of Dick & Jani
In 2017, I launched a website Our Grandmothers, Our Selves, which has stories about many people's grandmothers. Please check it out. You can also contact me through that site.
In May, I directed my newest play, On the edge of/a cure, and have finally updated my publications list, which now includes an award-winning chapbook of my short-story White shoe lady, which you can find on the sidebar. I also have become a certified yoga instructor in the Kripalu lineage. What a year!
And FINALLY, I have created a website, which I hope you will visit, The Unadapted Ones. I will keep this blog site up, since it is a record of over 8 years of my life, but will eventually be blogging more at the website, so if you want to know what I am up to with my writing, teaching, retreats and so on, the site is the place to check (and to subscribe for updates). After eight years I realized, no, I'm never turning into One Thing. So The Unadapted Ones embraces the multiplicity that comprises whomever I am, which seems to always be shifting. That may in fact be reality for everyone, but will speak for myself here. So, do visit there and thanks for coming here, too. Glad to meet you on the journey...
Thoughts and prayers with all of you, J. & much love as ever. Ch.xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Chris. All needed, all felt. jx
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers, and I enlisted all the FB peeps, so prayers from all over the country. Tears, too.
ReplyDeleteMG