I'm back in NYC, have been for a few days. Not writing here because it's basically just a time of grieving, getting some basic stuff sorted out and doing some writing when I can. Came back to a heat wave so it's hard to be very productive.
I am happy when I can focus for brief stretches on the grandmothers book. Also nice to see friends and such. However, it's just the slog of loss right now more than anything else. That and looking for another place to live as of September.
Sometimes loss just leaves silence in its wake and this is one of those times.
The only thing I've been able to say that seemed to make sense to anyone recently is this: life is fragile and love is strong.
I feel quite alone in many ways right now in terms of not "being with" anyone, it's been over a year now. Realized that the same day I went up to Maine to see Tom in ICU was the same day last year my husband suggested we separate. Raw, cold times.
The love that is strong is something else. Something between certain people, something in certain groups even...a connection. That rare thing.
Am I capable of this in an intimate relationship? I don't know. I seem to be able to connect as a friend and with some family.
I am lucky in that I have some most excellent friends, some of whom I've known for 30 years or more and some very close family. So I'm not trying to bring in the violin section.
I just hope someday I can find a way to have a partner in a true partnership. Don't have the best track record, let's face it....so, barring that, at least I hope I finish this goddamn book. Until I do, I'm not sure my life is my own.
Come to think of it, I'm not sure my life is my own period (Brits: full stop).
Oh and on a lighter note, I loved watching Murray play his match at Wimbledon against Federer. He lost but he lost with heart and played each point like it was the last and the first at the same time, even when the tide turned on him. That was an amazing amount of presence. Federer is just some kind of space alien sent down to earth to play tennis. But Murray, how can you not love that guy now? A real human being. Lovely. I was another one who cried when he gave his speech at the end. I felt like an idiot but I cried.
My lovely cat is sitting beside me being insanely cute. I am now officially a cliche.
Good night.
Welcome to my blog..
"We struggle with dream figures and our blows fall on living faces." Maurice Merleau-Ponty
I am now transitioning into being married again with a new surname (Barclay-Morton). John is transitioning from Canada to NYC and as of June 2014 has a green card. So transition continues, but now from sad to happy, from loss to love...from a sense of alienation to a sense of being at home in the world.
As of September 2013 I started teaching writing as an adjunct professor at Fordham University, which I have discovered I love with an almost irrational passion. While was blessed for the opportunity, after four years of being an adjunct, the lack of pay combined with heavy work load stopped working, so have transferred this teaching passion to private workshops in NYC and working with writers one on one, which I adore. I will die a happy person if I never have to grade an assignment ever again. As of 2018, I also started leading writing retreats to my beloved Orkney Islands. If you ever want two weeks that will restore your soul and give you time and space to write, get in touch. I am leading two retreats this year in July and September.
I worked full time on the book thanks to a successful crowd-funding campaign in May 2014 and completed it at two residencies at Vermont Studio Center and Wisdom House in summer 2015. I have done some revisions and am shopping it around to agents and publishers now, along with a new book recently completed.
I now work full-time as a freelance writer, writing workshop leader, coach, editor and writing retreat leader. Contact me if you are interested in any of these services.
Not sure when transition ends, if it ever does. As the saying goes, the only difference between a sad ending and a happy ending is where you stop rolling the film.
For professional information, publications, etc., go to my linked in profile and website for Barclay Morton Editorial & Design. My Twitter account is @wilhelminapitfa. You can find me on Facebook under my full name Julia Lee Barclay-Morton. More about my grandmothers' book: The Amazing True Imaginary Autobiography of Dick & Jani
In 2017, I launched a website Our Grandmothers, Our Selves, which has stories about many people's grandmothers. Please check it out. You can also contact me through that site.
In May, I directed my newest play, On the edge of/a cure, and have finally updated my publications list, which now includes an award-winning chapbook of my short-story White shoe lady, which you can find on the sidebar. I also have become a certified yoga instructor in the Kripalu lineage. What a year!
And FINALLY, I have created a website, which I hope you will visit, The Unadapted Ones. I will keep this blog site up, since it is a record of over 8 years of my life, but will eventually be blogging more at the website, so if you want to know what I am up to with my writing, teaching, retreats and so on, the site is the place to check (and to subscribe for updates). After eight years I realized, no, I'm never turning into One Thing. So The Unadapted Ones embraces the multiplicity that comprises whomever I am, which seems to always be shifting. That may in fact be reality for everyone, but will speak for myself here. So, do visit there and thanks for coming here, too. Glad to meet you on the journey...
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