Yes it's that basic. I have a cold. I haven't written in here for a while so just checking in briefly. Typing in bed…
After the election, I taught a class, then went to the internment of my stepfather Tom in his hometown of York, PA. That was difficult though was able to connect with Tom's sister and her husband. The event was simple, a graveside Episcopal service. I read T.S. Eliot and Rilke. Tom's daughter did a remembrance, there were psalms and prayers. I'm not a big organized religion person so it just washes over me. No connection. A box of ashes in the ground. Lots of younger people milling around. Wanting to connect. Not sure I did.
Basically, I'm in that time of grieving wherein I'm just kind of depressed and exhausted. I have managed to get some applications out, which is good. Would be incredible if any of them came to anything. Haven't done any writing. Have no energy except for the absolutely necessary.
Loss is loss and it feels like this right now. Wish I had something beautiful to say about it. I don't.
I have had some lovely times here and there with friends old and new.
I'm going to ground. Some kind of zero. Then we'll see what's next.
Back to bed...Happy Thanks Giving. (I am grateful by the way, for much, but right now just feel exhausted. Been trying to outrun that exhaustion but that led to the cold.)
Somewhere in my building someone burnt toast. Ah, NYC apartment living.
Update: no, not toast, the remnants of my ginger/lemon tea boiling in a pan. Good thing I was still awake. No one died, except the pan. Alas, poor pan, I knew ye when I had just bought you from Homegoods...
Welcome to my blog..
"We struggle with dream figures and our blows fall on living faces." Maurice Merleau-Ponty
When I started this blog in 2011, I was in a time of transition in my life between many identities - that of Artistic Director of a company (Apocryphal Theatre) to independent writer/director/artist/teacher and also between family identity, as I discover a new family that my grandfather's name change at the request of his boss in WWII hid from view - a huge Hungarian-Slovak contingent I met in 2011. Please note in light of this the irony of the name of my recently-disbanded theatre company. This particular transition probably began in the one month period (Dec. 9, 2009-Jan. 7, 2010) in which I received a PhD, my 20 year old cat died on my father's birthday and then my father, who I barely knew, died too. I was with him when he died and nothing has been the same since. This blog is tracing the more conscious elements of this journey and attempt to fill in the blanks. I'm also writing a book about my grandmothers that features too. I'd be delighted if you joined me. (Please note if you are joining mid-route, that I assume knowledge of earlier posts in later posts, so it may be better to start at the beginning for the all singing, all dancing fun-fair ride.) In October 2011, I moved back NYC after living in London for 8 years and separated from my now ex-husband, which means unless you want your life upended entirely don't start a blog called Somewhere in Transition. In November 2011, I adopted a rescue cat named Ugo. He is lovely. As of January 2012, I began teaching an acting class at Hunter College, which is where one of my grandmothers received a scholarship to study acting, but her parents would not let her go. All things come round…I began to think it may be time to stop thinking of my life in transition when in June 2012 my stepfather Tom suddenly died. Now back in the U.S. for a bit, I notice, too, my writing is more overtly political, no longer concerned about being an expat opining about a country not my own. I moved to my own apartment in August 2012 and am a very happy resident of Inwood on the top tip of Manhattan where the skunks and the egrets roam in the last old growth forest on the island.
I am now transitioning into being married again with a new surname (Barclay-Morton). John is transitioning from Canada to NYC and as of June 2014 has a green card. So transition continues, but now from sad to happy, from loss to love...from a sense of alienation to a sense of being at home in the world.
As of September 2013 I started teaching writing (composition and rhetoric) as an adjunct professor at Fordham University, which I have discovered I love with an almost irrational passion. So blessed for the opportunity and hope to find a more permanent job doing same.
I worked full time on the book thanks to a successful crowd-funding campaign in May 2014 and completed it at two residencies at Vermont Studio Center and Wisdom House in summer 2015. I have done some revisions and am shopping it around to agents and publishers now, along with having written a rough draft of a new book and some other projects.
Not sure when transition ends, if it ever does. As the saying goes, the only difference between a sad ending and a happy ending is where you stop rolling the film.
For professional information, publications, etc., go to my linked in profile and website for Barclay Morton Editorial & Design. My Twitter account is @wilhelminapitfa. You can find me on Facebook under my full name Julia Lee Barclay-Morton. More about my grandmothers' book: The Amazing True Imaginary Autobiography of Dick & Jani
Recently, I started a website Our Grandmothers, Our Selves, which has stories about many people's grandmothers. Please check it out. I will be blogging there, too, now.