I look forward to 2013 now with wondrous expectation, especially since a relationship begun on Skype (!) has already born fruit in terms of my grandmothers book. This is because the material is dark and I was muscling through it in the context of five years of grieving and cascading losses. This was in some ways a dangerous and dubious proposition for my mental and emotional health. Having John in my life, who is determined to lighten my load in any way possible, has given me space in real life to work on the book without worrying I will get lost in the quicksand of the material. Or, more accurately, it allows me to get lost in the quicksand, because I know someone - in this case, John - will be there to pull me out if necessary.
Before this extraordinary human entered my life, I had a friend who said I could send her a text before and after I wrote, which I did for many months. This was incredibly helpful because there was a remote witness. Another friend suggested I write for 15 minutes a day, which freed me to work on the project slowly. Yet another friend was very supportive of my writing in general. A writing mentor read the first few pages and gave excellent feedback.
This is all by way of saying: we never really write alone. What I am learning by having John in my life is how much I no longer have to do alone, including finding all of my own inspiration and emotional fortitude and strength. I've never been with anyone who I felt had my back in this and so many other ways and I already see the positive effect not only on my own self but on my writing.
I've been able to reread about 2/3 of what I've written and see what is there, to affirm the multiplicity of voices and the shifting line between fiction and non-fiction rather than conform it to what I think maybe it should look like and begin again to feel, hear, see my own voice and process as a positive thing. I feel alive and vibrant again as an artist and it feels wonderful.
Happy New Year, everyone! I wish, pray and hope for you the love I have found in this life with my beloved John, which is something I frankly did not know existed until now. It just puts everything else to shame.
As a wise Yogi tea bag (!) said yesterday "When there is love, there is no question."