I am finally beginning to wrap my mind around this larger theatrical project (...whatever God is), which is exciting because I haven't even been able to conceptualize in this way in a long time. I'm beginning to see how long it's taken me to get my creativity back...for many reasons. But, I'm glad I didn't try to force a solution because gradually it's returning.
Speaking of lilacs, I will happily be going back up to Canada in a couple weeks to go to the Royal Botanical Gardens with John where there are apparently over 700 species of lilacs! This is apparently the largest collection in the world. So, will be with my beloved amongst my favorite flowers. Nice. Being apart from him is grating on me now. I can sometimes manage to focus on my writing enough or taking walks, hanging out with friends, seeing shows, etc. but no matter what the lack of him is ever-present. I suppose this is the flip-side of loving someone so much. But I'll take it. Still astonished we even found each other...and we are getting closer to the time we can spend more time than not together...just have to keep sorting through the many details to make that happen...in the meantime astonished I feel held by him even in his absence.
I've been having dreams lately, many of which have dealt with animals, which is not common for me. In Canada, I actually had a bear dream (!), then back in NYC a dream of very colorful fish that had wings and were very soft to the touch. Another dream included a wolf, perhaps a dire wolf (prehistoric, now extinct) because of its size that was butting its nose against a door inside a house, and I wasn't sure if I should be afraid or not. Recently, a dream about bees, one with big dragonfly wings that stung me, because I didn't think it was a bee. I kept waiting to see if the sting would be poisonous in some way, but it never even swelled. Then there were a couple more bees, including one I tried to let go outside, but kept trying to wrap its legs around my finger.
After the wolf dream, I started reading Jung again... Memories, Dreams, Reflections, a collection of his later thoughts. He speaks of the unconscious as this productive force that we touch in dreams and at times of intuition and premonition. What amazed me is the similarity of this thoughts to William James' insights (which predate his by about 50 years) in regard to how we can be prejudiced against these experiences in the name of rationality. Jung was convinced that by only listening to our conscious minds, we limit ourselves and our understanding, because the conscious mind can only understand a proximate, limited level of reality. He's very clear that there are other dimensions only the unconscious can reach. But, and this is what makes him a genius, he also knows that without the conscious mind to be able to articulate this experience in some way - our finite selves in other words - then this unconscious material ends up as amorphous as The Infinite and The One...which elude us entirely.
I love going back to these people who predate the more over-heated, polysyllabic philosophizing of postmodernism onward, to discover such humility and insight.
This is helping a lot with the new play and affecting it. Jung now making an appearance along with James...bringing in more dream material...not in a hooey oh wow isn't that weird kinda way but instead as these doors into something larger than our material world...but that reflects back.
Another idea Jung has, that I love, inspired by dream material, is that when people die, they look to the living for answers to things. That death does not put you in some all-knowing realm, but if 'you' exist in death, it's somewhere approximate to where you were when you died. He was talking about this near the end of his life and said that perhaps you have to be near the end of your life to feel comfortable talking about the hereafter, that while he could not prove or disprove life after death, that was no reason not to take hints, intuitions, dream material, etc. as a way to conceptualize this. He mourns the lack of fables in the world and our hesitancy to mythologize, which he believes makes us poorer in spirit consequently.
I've known about Jung's basic ideas for many years, but this later writing I find so moving and human scale, moving most likely because so human scale. I respond to people when they speak from the first person, less attempting to argue an entire methodology but instead speaking from experience. Experience informed by knowledge and years of work of course, but nonetheless experience. There is air and space in these thoughts.
Speaking of air and space, below are some images of NYC in spring:
|the lilacs of 204th Street|
|Inwood street garden|
|cherry blossoms in Central Park|
|Saturday in the Park....|