Giving Thanks in Dark Times...

Apparently, the first official Thanksgiving was declared by President Lincoln during the Civil War.

Well...

Here we are. Thanksgiving in 2016 with the country probably more divided than it has been since then. I know there were other times when it was divided, and maybe those were worse. But it's pretty bad now. And I have never had the dubious privilege of living in stomach knot twisting fear of a President-Elect, as I am now.

Things that have come out these past few days include: a professor watch list where students can accuse their professors of having too much of a liberal bias. When I saw that at first, I laughed. Ever since then, though, I have had a stomach so full of knots it is literally eating itself. I am not joking. I am still writing, was able to do yoga finally, and am meditating, including breathing exercises. Some nights I can sleep and some nights I cannot.

This is Trump's America for me so far, even in one of the - if not the - most liberal borough of the most liberal city in America that voted against him by over 90% (that would be NYC - where he is from...let that sink in).

OK, so there's that, and many others have it far worse than me.

So what am I thankful for? The list is almost endless, but I'll do one anyway (and the order does not signify the importance):

1. The ability to write - even through this.
2. The fact that so far I have not self-destructed in ways I could easily do, but have not.
3. The love in my life, including my beloved Canadian, my mother, my friends - some of whom I will spend tomorrow with in the most diverse neighborhood in the US (Jackson Heights, Queens). One friend, Christian, I have known for over 30 years. We have seen each other through many phases of our lives and I will be delighted to spend Thanksgiving with him and his beloved, Ricardo, and a few of their other friends.
4. NYC
5. NYC
6. NYC and the people herein - overall the people with whom I relate the best and have been acting in heartbreakingly kind and generous ways with one another recently - and I trust will continue doing so. Sometimes there are assholes, but they are not the majority.
7. Kindness - when I see it and feel it.
8. Autumn leaves and the blue blue sky
9. The People's Republic of Inwood (my neighborhood)
10. Artists, writers, theater people, dancers, musicians...everyone who creates things in response to dark times, either as witness or to soothe or to imagine a different future...or simply to dream, or create delightful respite.
11. Paragraph writing studio and all those with whom I share my writing either in silence or at readings
12. Various FB groups in which I do same and the people in real life I have connected with who have given me faith in my writing and humanity in general.
13. National Novel Writing Month (now) that helps motivate me to write every day, and the fact I have done that this month: written every day.
14. New and old friends who have graced my year in so many lovely ways: Suzanne, Adam, Shawn, Christian, Suki, Wendy, Francelle, Julie, David, Marietta, James, Ilana, Aurvi, Carle, Peter, Susan, Sarah, Sharon, Russell, Jane, Pam, Maryan, Allan, Sauna, Kat, Alice, Nina, Andrew, Kate, Nathan, Spencer, Andrea, Veronica, Fran, Gina, Jenny, Ellen, Olivia, Leah, and others I'm sure I've forgotten...and those who have stayed close on FB even from afar, like Fi, Kirsten, Therese, Catherine, Sean, Bennett, Renee, Alison..
15. Scholarships to two very important writing conferences, which made it possible for me to attend what would have otherwise been impossible and the help people at those conferences gave me and friends I met there, too many to mention all...
16. The many people with whom I meet in various rooms to keep ourselves sane.
17. My students who remind me why I'm here...for real. These are some amazing young people, and maybe because I'm not a parent myself, I find in them such joy and love even. Hard to describe that alchemy, but while the pay is far too low, the rewards in this way are rich indeed. While our present may not seem too promising, I guarantee you, the kids are alright. Assuming we don't blow up the planet, they will be there to create something great once we fade away. Of this, I am certain. This is the source of my hope. If I wasn't teaching, I don't know how I would feel. So, I am grateful that I am. I am grateful I can use my skills as a writer and teacher to help them learn how to express themselves in the clearest, most elegant way possible. I do this, so you will listen to them, because their voices and ideas should be taken seriously.

And on that note, I will end. On a note of hope for the future, because God/dess knows we have at least four years of needing to try to withstand a storm that I can only hope we will withstand. My hope here is that many are awake to the need to keep our Constitution intact and I can only hope we won't be duped by a false crisis or goodness knows what. When I do not feel hopeful, I fall into fear and despair, and I cannot live there. Americans have a genius for hope. We are probably stupid with it in many ways, and the rest of the world - rightfully - looks at us most of the time like we are kind of nuts, but for all that, I do hope we can withstand the ultimate stress test that is upcoming of our country and how it was founded. Well, not ultimate, there was the Civil War, which I really hope we aren't going to end up in another one. But I mean stress test as in: can we get through this Without a Civil War. I pray and hope so. I also hope we can make it through without becoming a totalitarian capitalist state like China. These are my hopes.

I also hope that I will have the courage when needed to stand by not only my own beliefs, but also all of my friends - and strangers - who are in groups that are or may be targeted in ways large and small.

But for today, I give thanks to all of you out there who are willing to listen to all sides, who are tolerant and loving of everybody, including those with whom your disagree. I wish for our whole country (and I come from both sides of this political divide so I mean the Whole Country) a way to hear and listen and respect and love one another. I hope that all those who feel unseen, feel seen, those who feel silenced, find a voice (that is not filled with hate or that silences another), that we can reach across the borders and find a way forward.

This is my dream. This is my stupid-ass American hope.

I love you all. I really do. I am that weird.

Yeah, alright, I'm voting for Hillary

Before today's revelations that the other person with a major party nomination thinks it's OK to "grab [my/your/their/our collective] pussy" because he's famous and so that's cool and therefore "[we/they] like it", I had made the decision to vote for Hillary Clinton.

As anyone who knows me or knows this blog knows, I have been - and still am - a passionate Bernie Sanders supporter. I cried when he didn't get the nomination. For many reasons.

However, here's the thing, of all four nominees for President (including libertarian and green), there is only one person who is qualified to be President and that is Clinton. I am not a fan of hers. I am not happy with how Bernie was treated by the DNC. I don't think she will be nearly as left-wing as many progressives have convinced themselves she will be, and she might bring us into yet another war and may not renegotiate trade deals that are disastrous. All this is true. However, what is also true is that the other major candidate is not only a sexist shit-head, he has zero qualifications for the job he is seeking. As in: 0. None. Nada. Zip. Zero.

Let's use the other candidate's favorite analogy: business. OK, so in business, you need to know your field and do well in it, right? Hiring the right person for the job is important. So if President is - say - in his lexicon CEO of the USA, then we - the electorate - are the Board of Directors. We hire that person. So, if I'm looking at a resume, I want to see that this person has some, you know, Experience in the field. So, let's review:

The business in this case is politics. Hillary has been Secretary of State for four years, a US Senator, and had the catbird seat of First Lady for this actual job for eight years. She also is a lawyer and has done lots of advocacy and oversight work in her industry - which is - as a reminder - politics.

The other major candidate has no experience in politics other than presumably buying political favors and figuring out how to game the system so he pays no taxes into government. This means he has learned how to fleece this industry, but has no experience trying to make it work. He does not prepare for things like debates and says whatever he wants. He has no diplomacy skills in a job in which diplomacy on the world stage is paramount not only to our security in the US but the whole world's.

The other two candidates have never held elective office. Johnson doesn't even know where or what Aleppo is, and Stein thought Brexit was/is a good idea. Let's face it, they are not ready for prime time.

I did - in case you are wondering - vote for Nader a few times, but unlike any of the above, he has actually gotten legislation passed that is the reason you can ride in a car and not get killed in an accident, because his laws mandated seat belts and other safety features. Nader is also the reason you can breathe the air and drink the water without dying. He lobbied for and got passed Clean Air and Clean Water legislation. In other words, Ralph Nader has arguable done more good for this country than any leaders combined in a while, but he's not running.

Neither is Bernie Sanders. He, too, was qualified. Eminently so, and he would be talking - with reason and solutions not bombast and empty rhetoric - about the problems of working class Americans, trade deals that favor corporations, raising minimum wage, getting government out of hands of Wall Street, etc., etc. But he is not running. He has asked those of us who supported him to vote for Hillary Clinton.

This is not why I am voting for her, though. I am voting for her because she is THE ONLY candidate running who is qualified to take on the job.

I'm not even getting into the issues here, just basic qualifications.

As to Trump's supporters, I hear you and know you think he can solve a lot of intractable problems and cure your anxiety about your deteriorating neighborhoods and jobs and sense of this country as a great place. I get that you think because he talks in a certain way and is definitely Not a politician in the traditional sense therefore he can get things done. But there is a problem with your plan. He isn't the re-set button you crave. (Like the meme: can we turn the US off and on again - which like who doesn't want that, really?) But, he won't be a dictator (because happily even if he does get elected, we still do have a Constitution - hooray!). So, even if you want him to do all the things he says he wants to do (and if you listen carefully you will hear that a lot of those ideas change and are in fact contradictory), he has to work with Congress - where no one will like him. No one. Not GOP, not Democrats. No one. For international issues, he has to work with world leaders. None of whom like him, except for maybe Putin and today's North Korean dictator. This dude is a lot of things. Team player is not one of them. No matter how fly you are, you have to find a way to work with people to do politics. Both Sanders and Clinton have worked in the trenches to make bills better (not what they wanted) and to do what they can. They both have decades of experience with this. Trump has: zero.

Do I wish I was telling you to vote for Bernie? Yes, I do. But again, he's not running. And even if I'm not a fan, I do know Hillary can do the job.

As another friend of mine said wisely, the best way to look at this election if you are truly progressive is not as if we are voting for an advocate (we don't have one with Bernie gone) but for our adversary. Do you want an adversary who at least believes in Some of the same things you do, such as equal rights for women, people of color, different faiths, immigrants, LGBT, etc. so you don't have to fight all those battles again? Someone who believes climate change is real versus someone who thinks it's a hoax (she types on a mid-70s day in October with the fan on in NYC)? Or do you want an adversary against whom you will have to re-fight even basic battles, such as a woman's right to choose, a gay person's right to marry, a black person's right to vote, etc., etc...

Looking at all these issues - along with the grotesque tape of Trump today bragging about grabbing women's 'pussies', leads me to say: I will be voting for Hillary. I am not 'with' her or whatever, but I will vote for her. Even in safe NYC, I will vote for her, because as yet another friend said, it will be important that she wins by a good margin or else there will be conspiracy theories and violence and all sorts by people who think she stole the election from the other candidate. While again I was not a fan of how the DNC skewed the primaries towards her, the fact is what they did isn't any different than what Kennedy did in 1960 to win his primary against Stevenson (look it up) and everyone thinks he's God.

I may add I am also not a fan of Bill Clinton being back in the WH who, I imagine, has said things as lewd, as Trump claimed today in his own defense. However, the fact is it'll be Hillary as the President, not him, and therefore we have a chance of having someone in office who doesn't think women are primarily to be fondled and used as so much play-doh.

That'd be nice.

Save your pussies (and uterus and well all of your whole body come to think of it)! Vote Hillary!