Had a hard time sleeping last night, just made it to yoga and forgot to meditate in the morning (very rare). Finished taxes - finally - then could not get through to one of the government offices I need to speak with by Sunday - annoyingly, they keep you on the line with endless recorded messages, then tell you after that that the lines are not available. Rinse. Repeat. So gave up and hope to call early enough tomorrow that the whole world isn't calling them at the same time.
Excited still about the possible independent researcher collective that seems to be brewing away quite quickly. But when doing taxes again felt very sad and back into the crying sessions again. Something about having to say my marital status is 'separated' and the finality of how it looks on paper - whether it is or isn't, it sure seems like it dealing with this stuff. No matter if it's a good or bad thing in the end, I just feel bereft in these moments.
Yoga was a welcome relief as was meeting with some friends in the evening, but I came home early as I am exhausted from the not sleeping routine. Also from having the obligatory paperwork conversations with my husband wherein we discuss how to tell what bodies about our separation, how to prove it, etc. This is beyond depressing, as you can no doubt imagine and/or have experienced - and if so, my condolences.
The weather was beautiful here today, but feeling drawn to the West Coast of US again, would love to fly out and see my friend Veronica (from high school and college, amazingly enough) who offered her place for me to stay, not sure how to work that into everything, but feel a need to do that, too - an oddly strong urge, which surprises me, but ever since being in Sacramento for my father's death and seeing again the astonishing California landscape, the bug is on me...the Pacific bug I suppose. And I think of myself as such an Atlantic girl that this is surprising.
Just in case you don't know what I mean by California landscape, below are some of my pix from one walk I took near Sacramento along the American River back in January 2010 with the lovely Teresa and her friends...to give you an idea....and sweet dreams...
Welcome to my blog..
"We struggle with dream figures and our blows fall on living faces." Maurice Merleau-Ponty
I am now transitioning into being married again with a new surname (Barclay-Morton). John is transitioning from Canada to NYC and as of June 2014 has a green card. So transition continues, but now from sad to happy, from loss to love...from a sense of alienation to a sense of being at home in the world.
As of September 2013 I started teaching writing as an adjunct professor at Fordham University, which I have discovered I love with an almost irrational passion. While was blessed for the opportunity, after four years of being an adjunct, the lack of pay combined with heavy work load stopped working, so have transferred this teaching passion to private workshops in NYC and working with writers one on one, which I adore. I will die a happy person if I never have to grade an assignment ever again. As of 2018, I also started leading writing retreats to my beloved Orkney Islands. If you ever want two weeks that will restore your soul and give you time and space to write, get in touch. I am leading two retreats this year in July and September.
I worked full time on the book thanks to a successful crowd-funding campaign in May 2014 and completed it at two residencies at Vermont Studio Center and Wisdom House in summer 2015. I have done some revisions and am shopping it around to agents and publishers now, along with a new book recently completed.
I now work full-time as a freelance writer, writing workshop leader, coach, editor and writing retreat leader. Contact me if you are interested in any of these services.
Not sure when transition ends, if it ever does. As the saying goes, the only difference between a sad ending and a happy ending is where you stop rolling the film.
For professional information, publications, etc., go to my linked in profile and website for Barclay Morton Editorial & Design. My Twitter account is @wilhelminapitfa. You can find me on Facebook under my full name Julia Lee Barclay-Morton. More about my grandmothers' book: The Amazing True Imaginary Autobiography of Dick & Jani
In 2017, I launched a website Our Grandmothers, Our Selves, which has stories about many people's grandmothers. Please check it out. You can also contact me through that site.
In May, I directed my newest play, On the edge of/a cure, and have finally updated my publications list, which now includes an award-winning chapbook of my short-story White shoe lady, which you can find on the sidebar. I also have become a certified yoga instructor in the Kripalu lineage. What a year!
And FINALLY, I have created a website, which I hope you will visit, The Unadapted Ones. I will keep this blog site up, since it is a record of over 8 years of my life, but will eventually be blogging more at the website, so if you want to know what I am up to with my writing, teaching, retreats and so on, the site is the place to check (and to subscribe for updates). After eight years I realized, no, I'm never turning into One Thing. So The Unadapted Ones embraces the multiplicity that comprises whomever I am, which seems to always be shifting. That may in fact be reality for everyone, but will speak for myself here. So, do visit there and thanks for coming here, too. Glad to meet you on the journey...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Ah, my home turf... I do miss it a bit. Thanks for putting up the pictures, Julia!
ReplyDeleteglad you liked the pix...seems like you're a night owl, too...I'm awake because I can't stop crying...again. Dear God when will it stop? I know it will some day but right now in the middle of it. So, it's nice to hear from someone in the middle of the night even if it is a blog post comment!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I'm a bit disjointed from the move over here, and, with neither employment nor many friends, I'm up too late worrying about "things". -not many tears, but a few too many (mostly unfounded) fears.
ReplyDelete-hope you're feeling well today!
Bea
Hey Bea,
ReplyDeleteI've been in that position. My email is on my profile page and on Linkedin account - feel free to get in touch that way and perhaps we can chat if you want. I'm feeling better right now, walked for hours and connected with some friends. Hopefully I can sleep tonight, we'll see.
all good wishes to you,
Julia