Doors opening where there only used to be a wall visible...

Just finished the surreal have the person you've separated from over to dinner thing - anyone who has separated from a long term relationship and still lives in the place shared with said person and has had them over will know the weirdness of this.  The weirdest part being it doesn't feel weird at all, until after the fact when you're alone in the house again.  A strange disconnect between the familiar and the rupture from the familiar.

I feel in many ways comfortable with holding a space for the ambiguity of this situation, but in other ways - like when I just typed that sentence and my whole internal physical structure went whaaaaat in some mysterious yet unmistakable way - I'm obviously not.  So I should say it this way: I am Attempting to not have a story-line here, cling to a way of thinking about this either in the negative or positive.  But that may or may not be humanly possible.  We'll see.

Meanwhile, today I started feeling how wonderful it will be to be in NYC for a whole month, uninterrupted, in one place, most of the time by myself - with writing to do and reviewing for FringeNYC for nytheatre.com.  I've never done that before and will attempt to bear in mind my rants and raves at critics in general when I try to do it myself.  I have a feeling I will fail miserably in being fair and even handed but will see.

I am so glad that I will be able to see friends without it being frantic and that I can just stroll around and meet up with people when I want and not when I don't want to do that and well - ahhhhh.  It just feels so Right.

I met up with some friends earlier and also just enjoyed just walking in what was a drop dead gorgeous day here in London - when it's sunny and mild here, it's just amazing, because I have a back garden and there's green space in the city, and it's just great.  Also, seeing the heatwave in the US, I am grateful beyond measure for the 70-75 F degree heat here in the summer - sometimes dropping to about 60 or raising usually max to 80.  Ideal.

My final day for dealing with taxes is tomorrow as I have to call another government agency with that figure (the UK is full of government agencies - many of which appear to work in parallel to one another but don't seem to Quite know what the other one is doing - it's a bit like the movie Brazil in this way) - managed to avoid them today but almost done.  Will start with yoga however - it's healthy Friday.  After tomorrow's paperwork is done, I hope to begin writing again and/or plotting theatrical projects.

Oh, that reminds me, a fellow named Ben started a discussion thread on a listserve on which I am a member about being an independent artist-researcher.  He, like so many of us, has a PhD but no permanent post - is doing ongoing research (which if you are an artist means your artistic practice itself, which - if you did a PhD - has critical stuff built into the system) and is wondering about how we get funding to continue our work in an academic as well as professional context.  Happily, not only I, but many people came out of the closet to say - yeah, me too, let's Do something about this.  And so we're going to get together sometime, probably in September and talk about how to unite, organize and think of ways of disseminating our knowledge and practice, outside of the begging fields of visiting lecturing (Americans: adjuncting), guest lecturing, workshops, etc., etc.  This is very exciting and shows the power of one person - in this case Ben - to simply say - hey, what's up with that?  And for a bunch of other people to say - yeah, good question - and begin organizing.  So simple, so clear, so brilliant for this, so thanks Ben!  And for anyone from the US or elsewhere reading this, we are thinking of this as an international endeavor.  Anyone interested  who is in NYC, get in touch when I'm around (mid-Aug to mid-Sept) and I'll tell you what's up on our end and get your ideas to bring to the late September meeting.  Or, if you're interested and can't do that, send me an email or tell me in comments, and I'll make sure you're in the loop.  This could be very exciting.

So, on that uncharacteristically optimistic note, I will send this post.  Here's to new doors opening, especially ones we didn't even know were there to open in the first place, new ways forward and all the good stuff.

p.s. as I was about to post this my good friend Renee (see picture and discussion of our relationship in June 19 post...) now living in Vancouver called.  We had a wonderful long talk about many things, but for public consumption, I realized talking to her that the performance I did at Southend-on-Sea is something I can bring elsewhere...not that performance, but the idea of being somewhere, getting images and words, creating a new piece and involving the audience...so if anyone who's been reading this blog is interested in such a project happening in your town/city/abandoned building, etc., get in touch!  Posts about the creation and performance of the show are in and around May 31 and July 13-17.